Today I’m going to make you feel better about your caffeine addiction. Ahem, I mean, dependence.
I wouldn’t call my caffeine dependence an addiction. It’s more like a lifestyle.
Just like I wouldn’t call coffee a drug. It’s more like an art form.
BUT before you go shouting from the rooftops that we’re all addicts, remember these things you probaby didn’t know about the most important meal of the day:
- Coffee has antioxidants. Anything that has antioxidants is good. I think.
- There are a lot of things that wouldn’t exist without coffee. Like Starbucks. And Seattle as a whole. And probably the majority of Apple products. I bet time travel will be invented sooner if more people drink coffee.
- Caffeine is technically a stimulant, not a depressant, which means it’s not like alcohol (Note: This does, however, mean that caffeine shares similarities with crack. Try to ignore this fact).
- Ok, so caffeine stunts your growth. But this is a good thing. I didn’t want to be any taller than 5’7 anyways, so coffee has really just ensured that I can wear heels and still be shorter than my boyfriend.
- Coffee is a natural mild antidepressant. It literally makes you happier when you drink it.
- Coffee is legal. Not just in Colorado.
- It helps your liver! Imagine that! Something that doesn’t damage your liver!
- It also helps your relationships with others by reducing the chances that you’ll yell at them in the morning. This is a scientifically proven fact that I definitely read somewhere at some point, I’m sure.
- Unicorns drink coffee. How bad can it be?
Rationalizing your emotional attachment to coffee, one bullet point at a time.